Ending the Homework Battle: A Parent's Guide to Less Stress, More Success

Homework time does not have to be a daily battle! Students often come home from school resistant to working on homework and studying for tests. The first step to making sure homework isn’t stressful for the whole family is understanding why students are resisting in the first place. Once you understand why your child doesn’t want to do their homework, you can try some of these strategies to relieve everyone’s frustration around homework.

Why is my child so resistant to doing their homework?

There are many factors that can lead to homework resistance and understanding what is impacting your child can help relieve some of your child’s frustration.

• Does your child have the foundational skills to complete the work they are assigned? Children with learning disabilities can be resistant to completing homework because they do not understand the material and the difficulty level is too high for them. Children with ADHD often struggle with executive functioning and management skills. So, do they know what the homework is and do they have the materials needed to complete it?

• Does your child have a consistent homework routine? Families with busy after school schedules often struggle to provide consistent time, space, and expectations around completing homework each day.

• How is your child doing emotionally? When children have a tough day at school (i.e., issues with friends, getting in trouble, not understanding concepts), their frustration and emotional reactions can build and boil over when asked to complete homework.

How can I help my child complete their homework without frustration or big emotional reactions?

• Establish Healthy Homework Habits: It is very important for children to establish good study habits and routines.

  o   Where is your child expected to complete homework? This should be a quiet, distraction-free environment that allows them to focus on their work. Children tend to have more difficulty completing homework in an environment where they typically play or sleep (i.e., try to avoid doing homework in bed or on the couch).

  o   When is your child expected to complete their homework? Children often need time after school to relax and engage in activities they enjoy. Set a specific amount of time the child gets to engage in free time activities before homework is expected to begin. Keep this consistent!

• What if my child says there is no homework?

  o   Sticking to the homework schedule at home is important. Even if there is no assigned work, set an expected minimum amount of time the child will spend completing homework or reviewing what they are learning. This can help prevent your child from rushing through work, studying too little, or trying to get out of completing their homework by claiming there isn’t any to do.

What is an example of a homework routine that promotes completion without as much frustration or resistance?

• Establish a consistent “cool-down” transition after school. Provide your child with a healthy snack and 15-30 minutes of active and unstructured free time (try to avoid screens if you can!).

• Have a dedicated, quiet, distraction-free homework space ready to go. Your child should know where they are supposed to complete their work. This space should have materials they may need (pens, pencils, erasers, extra paper, etc.) available before they start their homework.

• Implement the “first – then” rule and use visual timers. Help your child learn to break assignments into more manageable chunks and then schedule the completion of each chunk. For example, you can tell your child “first, we do 10 minutes of math homework and then we take a 5-minute stretch break.” Visual timers help children conceptualize the time and make homework feel more manageable and less daunting.

• Play a supportive role without giving your child the answers. Acknowledge and validate their feelings and frustrations when your child encounters a challenge. A brief pause can often help children manage their frustration. Normalizing mistakes as part of the learning process can help prevent meltdowns as well.

• If your child is still struggling to tackle difficult problems, start with the easy ones! This can build their confidence and lower their stress and frustration, which can help them take on the tougher problems after.

It is important to pay attention to the homework your child seems most resistant to or frustrated with. Communication with teachers is key! If your child is only resistant to homework in one subject, talk to their teacher about how they are doing in that class. This may be an indication of a learning or attentional issue that is affecting their performance in that specific class. Keeping consistent homework routines and expectations can keep homework time from frustrating the entire family!

About the Author: Margaret Crewdson, Ph.D., NCSP, is a licensed psychologist and Nationally Certified School Psychologist whose expertise spans developmental, emotional, and behavioral assessment across the lifespan, bringing extensive experience in individual therapy for children and young adults facing emotional, behavioral, and social challenges.